I read a lot of books. That’s not a brag, it’s an excuse. An excuse for my reaction when this one arrived through the letterbox.
Hmm, don’t remember ordering this one; not my cup of tea.
In this context, not my cup of tea is a polite British way of saying what possessed me to order this self-help drivel? I’m generally not a fan of self-help. Assuming a brief lapse of judgement, I plonked it on the backlog shelf to forget about and carried on with life.
Well, it turns out this was a present from a trusted friend and I am an ungrateful, terrible person.
A few months and awkward apologies later, and it’s at the top of the reading list.
So, was it worth it?
Yes.
Mostly.
It really depends on why you’re reading it.
If, like me, you’re a socially awkward introvert who has no choice in their line of work but to deal with other people, then you’re going to finish this book with at least some practical tips for being a better people person. Great.
That said, if you have no choice but to deal with people, you’ve probably already discovered some of these ‘hacks’ yourself, or at least developed your own versions of them. Side note: I f**king hate the word ‘hack’ in this book. The idea of ‘hacking’ people is dehumanising at a time when technology is starving the world of humanity. Rant over.
If you’re reading this book as a people person, you may want to skip. In fact, you might find the structure and approach a bit formulaic and out of the spirit of what it means to be a people person. Good for you.
I’m somewhere in the middle.
With that in mind, the first half of the book burned slowly for me. Where to stand in a room; how to make a first impression; finding sparks; how to show interest. I’d have been sacked long ago if I didn’t have these basics covered.
The second half was different. It goes a bit deeper and covers areas I know I need to improve on; storytelling; adapting to personality types; understanding people’s values; empowering people; leading people. I found myself taking lots of notes here, which is always a good sign. In fact, I even ended up making reference cards (pictured).
But here’s the real value of Captivate. I’ve probably discussed the content of this book with people more than anything else I’ve read in recent years. Captivate covers conversation starters, but is an excellent conversation starter in itself. I read this book recently, where do you think you are on the openness scale? What are your primary values? What’s your appreciation language? Do you have any good stories? People love talking about themselves, and this book gives you the tools, topics and permission to get talking to one another. And that’s a good thing.
I said earlier that I was gifted Captivate from a friend. We’ve talked about it almost every week since. We’ve learnt more from one another as a result. And we’ve shared an experience together that closed some distance created by busy and separate lives. Who gives a shit if I already knew where to place my hands when talking?
So, do I recommend this book for its content?
Yes, from about chapter seven onwards.
Do I recommend this book for the value its added to my life?
Absolutely. One hundred percent. Slam dunk.
Book club model: The Librarian
